The Girl Who Cried 'I know what I want to do with my life'

As a child I was nothing if not an aspiring performer, I loved being the centre of attention and have a plethora of home videos that evidence my conviction that I would one day be a pop-star.

Aged 7 I watched a Wimbledon match on the television with my parents and decided that actually, I was going to be Maria Sharapova when I grew up. No, not just any tennis player, but Maria Sharapova herself.

Later, as English quickly became my strongest subject at primary school I returned to my desire to be part of the music industry. This time as a songwriter. A peer had the audacity to challenge my boastful claims of writing over thirty songs each night, my logical response to which was to camp out under my covers with a torch and scribble rogue assortments of words on scraps of paper to prove her wrong… before falling asleep roughly two songs in.

As a teenager, my love for animals blossomed into an ambitious desire to work as a veterinary nurse. A passion which was abruptly put out upon discovering not only did you have to stick your hand up a cows anus as part of your university exams, but this particular dream also required passing biology A-level (never going to happen).

At University, whilst completing an English and Film degree, cooking became a form of escapism from the relentless tirade of my dissertation. On the cusp of being both a millennial and gen-z'er the natural next step was creating a food blog. Whilst posting pictures of my every meal delightfully indulged my narcissistic streak, it was something I soon decided was best left as an amusing past-time between friends.

A summer internship and the Netflix release of Mad Men turned my attention to advertising shortly after. I immediately envisioned myself the next Don Draper living the high life working for a major agency in London. A few rejected grad schemes later and I decided marketing might be a better fit. I excitedly announced to family and friends that I would be doing a 2-year masters in marketing in Berlin. I spoke about it incessantly and my parents proudly told their friends. A couple of months later and I landed myself a marketing job in the UK and the lure of a paycheck was enough to halt my plans for further studying.

Of course, this is only a flavour of the ambitions and dreams I have fleetingly chased over the years. My enthusiasm and slightly obsessive nature leads to adamant conviction that every idea has finally revealed my destiny. At this point, it would come as no surprise to me if at fifty I spontaneously decide I MUST be an astronaut. This is definitely a privilege afforded from incredibly supportive parents, lending itself to the belief that I could do anything. Though this is rather delusional, I wouldn’t have it any other way and am eternally grateful to my parents for always setting the sky as the limit.

Nevertheless, nowadays I am a little hesitant to share my plans for the future, not trusting I won’t change my mind and let myself or my family down. But then again, is changing your mind really an issue?

We often fall for society’s trap of assuming that university ends with a hazy three-year hangover and a sudden monumental sense of clarity about your career and future. But who says you find one job which is the perfect fit and not five? Why can’t you succeed as a lawyer and an interior designer? As humans, we are far more complex than our neatly catagorised dream career ideologies suggest.

It is far easier to decide what you don’t want to do, than what you do. Insight comes through experience and every opportunity will develop skills that will help you navigate your career for years to come. In her bestselling autobiography ‘Becoming” Michelle Obama explores the certainty that maturity and experience can provide:

‘Barack’s maturity, I realized, came in part from the years he’d logged as a community organiser and even, prior to that, a decidedly unfulfilling year he’d spent as a researcher at a Manhattan business consulting firm immediately after college. He’d tried out some things, gotten to know all sorts of people and learned his own priorities along the way. I, meanwhile, had been so afraid of floundering, so eager for respectability and a way to pay the bills, that I’d marched myself unthinkingly into the law’. p.132-133

She so elegantly articulates the post-graduation panic that often leads to choosing a career based on extrinsic appeal, rather than the morals and interests that could provide true contentment and satisfaction from a career. It is apparent, however, through her comparison to Barack, this understanding intrinsic enlightenment is learnt through experience, the good and the bad.

Your grad job might not end up being the stepping stone straight through to your retirement career. But it doesn’t matter! Cease every opportunity, try everything and anything, your strengths will show themselves. Trust the process and believe you can do anything.